When you uncover an ancient city it changes you

I have a new song out called Every Corner, and here's a story about how I was changed in the writing process.

Ruins of an ancient Roman city called Pompeii lay near Naples, Italy. An eruption buried Pompeii under 20 ft of volcanic ash in 79 AD, and they've been continuously excavating since its discovery in the mid 1700s. Imagine starting to dig and finding the tip of a roof. You keep digging to find not only a house, but a whole city with much of its culture preserved through artifacts like tools, dishes, drawings, and books. 

I imagine you'd learn things about your own existence you never knew before. That’s what I feel it’s like to write a good song. In the words of Jon Foreman it's like digging up a city that was already there, just covered up by some dirt. In some ways you find it, but in other ways it finds you.

In 2019 I started writing a song called Every Corner. It began as a complaint. I felt God had abandoned me when I needed him most. I was hurt, burnt out, and unsure of my future on almost every count. We were living in my parents’ basement with our toddler, freshly moved back to Ohio, and I was starting a new career from ground zero. After years of trying to follow what I thought was God’s plan for my life, I had come up short. I was over it.

“It’s ok that you haven’t called in a month. After all I know you have a lot on your shoulders…” This was an almost sarcastic way to begin my complaint. I’m sure you don’t have time for me God; I know you’re busy… On I went, “I’ve been following an echo; if I could find you we could talk…every corner is an endless part.” He was so far away. Though I grasped I could not find him.

I tried to demonstrate my altruistic zeal and faithfulness by saying things like “When you look over your shoulder, you’ll know I loved you from the start…every corner is an endless part.”

I felt pretty good about my complaint, and with time I started to heal. As I thawed, I observed my poetry through a different perspective. I would come back to the song once in a while with fresh eyes and a scabbed-rather-than-bleeding heart. I started to wonder if maybe it was a message from God to me, rather than the other way around.

What if I was the one not paying attention, running ahead, too busy with my own agenda? I was completely overwhelmed and wrecked by this proposition, and I haven’t been able to think about it any other way since then. When you look over your shoulder, you’ll know I’ve loved you from the start. There is no end to this love, and every corner is an endless part. 

I could talk about this more, but I just wanted to share what I think it feels like to uncover a city that’s already there. I can't walk away unchanged, and I certainly can’t take the credit. The city was there in the first place. I'm just grateful to be part of the process.

I hope you like the song. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Any thoughts.

Kevin.

Though I reach for him, he was always reaching for me first.